How to have a baby..
Find a man
At the tender age of 22, in a small town called Adlington, I was playing the oh so glamorous and coveted role of the wicked witch in the pantomime “Jack and the Beanstalk”.
Jack was being played by an ever so (annoyingly) beautiful young lady, who we’ll call H. H had just returned from a 14 month stint of dancing on a cruise ship. Yes.. a beautiful dancer who could also sing – don’t you just hate her already?
One dismal Thursday evening in December H (aka annoying beautiful dancer) introduced me to her brother, M and I swooned (inside.. very much inside – I play my cards VERY close to my chest). I was also at the time seeing another guy but the less said about that the better. It came to the week of the show and the swoon worthy brother was helping out backstage but can’t have been that integral to the operation because he seemed to spend all his time following me round offering me Haribo.. apparently that was him trying to woo me but surprise surprise I was completely oblivious – I mean, when in the history of wooing has a Haribo fried egg ever done the trick? The pantomime ended and we all went our separate ways.
A few weeks later I went to a Bolton Wanderers match, after which I proceeded to write a status on Facebook about how awful the match was. Swoon worthy brother “liked” my status.. and then commented! I then received a message that went like this..
“happily nosying through your profile and I couldn’t help but notice your grumbling that you haven’t been on a date in ages..
Do you fancy going on one?”
The rest is quite literally history. Swoon Worthy Brother is now my husband and annoyingly beautiful dancer is now my lovely sister in law
2 – Have the “we’re ready to start trying for children discussion”
Looking back on the conversations husband and I used to have around having children makes me feel so, so stupid and naïve. In our complete ignorance we thought this would be the kind of thing we could plan. I don’t suppose you can blame us when everyone around us seemed to get pregnant on their honeymoons or even by accident..!
We were married in the October of 2015 and decided that after a year of amazing holidays we would start trying in September 2016. In the meantime I stopped getting my depo injection (as I had heard it could take a while for your cycle to get back to normal after this) and started taking the pill to tide us over. I stopped taking the pill in August and waited for my cycle to return to some kind of normality.
Nearly 18 months later I’m still waiting.
I should say that when I was on the depo injection my periods completely stopped which in my mind – whilst the waiting for them to return was inconvenient – at least I was storing lots of eggs up, right?
3 – It’s not you; it’s me
In the summer of 2017 when nothing had happened we decided to go to our GP who was very lovely and helpful and referred us straight away to a fertility specialist in Wigan and Leigh. Despite living in Bolton we were told that if we went through Wigan and Leigh we would be entitled to 2 rounds of IVF funded by the NHS (should it even come to that). We were given our appointment and Husband was to provide a sample for analysis. This came back normal – in fact it was on the best side of normal we we’ve got ourselves some good swimmers!
We were still feeling pretty positive at this point – the depo injection had stopped my periods and we just needed them to come back and everything would be hunky dory. There must be a pill for that?
We went for our first appointment with the specialist who agreed that yes, you’re not having periods and therefore not ovulating so, I think we know what the problem is! I was given some medication that would force a bleed and we would take it from there.
Everything in this clinic is said in days.. Day 2-4 tests, day 8 tests, Day 21 tests. You get used to it. When I was forced to bleed I had to go for my day 2-4 tests – I attended on day 4 which actually slightly messed things up as (unbeknownst to us) it meant I was too late to start Clomid which had to be started on day 2 – so that was one month wasted (are you confused yet?)
I then went for a Hy-Cosy examination on day 8. Now I’m a bit of a wimp when it comes to things like this and, as I was told to take 2 ibuprofen and 2 Paracetamol beforehand, I was expecting pain. This procedure involves having an internal scan whereby a camera that looks like an absolutely massive dildo is inserted into your vagina for the consultant to have a snoop around. Everything looked fine. Then comes the painful part – a tube is inserted into your cervix and some fluid is pumped in to allow the consultant to see whether the tubes are clear. While I was still lying there – legs akimbo, no knickers on, dildo in – I was told my tubes were just perfect and everything looked good.. Great news!
When the procedure was over I sorted myself out and sat myself down at his desk to discuss the findings. The consultant asked if I had started Clomid and I said no – the nurse who took my blood told me not to take it as I had missed day 2. It was now day 8 and he told me to start regardless. He then went on to my day 2-4 blood tests and mentioned that my AMH was low which means that, at the tender age of 29, my eggs were low. So that’s my theory of saving my eggs up thrown out of the window! In fact, had I carried on having periods for the last 3 years maybe I wouldn’t have any left at all?! He also said that when he was snooping around at my ovaries he didn’t see many follicles (the little houses that the eggs live in). Due to this he wanted to get me started on IVF and got another appointment put in the diary to discuss this.
I left the clinic in a bit of a daze. None of this was meant to be happening – I didn’t sign up for a low egg count and IVF – this wasn’t meant to be me.
I rang M..
“It’s not you; it’s me”
4 – When are you having children? (and other things you should never ask people)
I’ve lost count of the amount of times I’ve walked out of a room when the baby talk starts or when someone has just bluntly asked me if I want children. Yes, I could be absolute bitch and make them feel awkward by replying “yes I do really want children but I’m infertile.. how about you?” but I just stumble through a half arsed answer of mmm yes maybe one day and hope that in time they’ll understand that those questions aren’t okay.
Someone actually said to me once “anyway.. I thought you wanted babies?!” I was literally stunned into silence.
“Just relax – it’ll happen” Oh right.. sorry Barbara in accounts I didn’t realise that you were also now a trained fertility specialist. Thanks for the advice. Just relax.. that’ll get me knocked up. Side note.. never in the history of saying “just relax” has anybody ever just relaxed.
So that’s it in a nutshell.. Keep up to date with our story on the blog..
Peace out ♥